Today is one of those days when I feel like I’m not cut out to be a parent. I can’t understand what my baby is going through and I respond negatively. He had been fussy all day , I expect the worst from him so I assumed he was throwing tantrums. I tried to put him down for a second nap but he wouldn’t sleep, he had been up since 11 and I assumed he was just tired. But he just didn’t want to sleep so I thought I’d take him to his art class and put him to bed early. I didn’t think it through and we left. He threw a fit when he didn’t get a toy from one of his friends and since I don’t give in to tantrums I took it from him and returned it to the child. A few minutes later he calmed down and then again he threw another tantrum because I took him off the slide he was on. People were looking at us , I didn’t look up. I felt their eyes on me and I could tell they thought my child is spoilt. His teacher helped me put on his shoes. I left the school without thinking twice, I was still waiting on Z to come pick us. But I didn’t care and I wanted to avoid embarrassment so I was outside in the heat, holding and dragging Nael along with the kicking and screaming. A part of me wanted to let him throw himself on the side walk and cry it out like he wanted to. But I kept walking till he calmed down a bit. When Z came I strapped Nael in his car seat while he was kicking and screaming. He cried the whole time and I didn’t care. In my mind he was throwing a tantrum but Z said he was in pain. We come home and he cried for an hour before he fell asleep and then 40 minutes after he woke up. He had gas pains which he was trying to let out. He was trying to tell me but he didn’t have the words. The minute he let it out he switched back to his normal happy self. I’m a bad parent, I know he’s sick and he has episodes like this. I need to stop assuming he’s a bad kid because he isn’t. But those people looking at me don’t know that. They have their happy babies and don’t have issues like this. Is rare to find someone who understands. I’m tired and I can’t control my temper sometimes. I don’t think I was made to be a parent but I’m lucky because Z is the opposite and he understands him better then me. So much for mother’s instincts !!