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I had thought about this day for quite a while now. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel or act when I didn’t need to nurse my child any more. I thought I’d be happy but I also thought it would be the most difficult thing to do in the world. There was a part of me that thought I would have control over my body and life once again. However, what I didn’t expect was once I weaned my baby all I would be left with was sadness. It came and went by so fast I didn’t even get a chance to hold on to it a little longer. Maybe if we had to fight over it a couple of times it would’ve made the transition easier but he didn’t even give me that. Last week after our pool play date he got sick. For days he had 103 fever and to make it more wonderful he tested positive for strep. He couldn’t breathe every time he coughed , he clung on to me for four days straight. All day I was either letting him sleep on me or helping him deal with his cough by giving him some water. Because of the cough I had to do the same thing at night which was the only time he was nursing. Every time he got up I would hold him upright and give him water. He was too sick to fight anything, he just didn’t want to cough and in the process he was weaned. If I knew the last time I was nursing him would be the last time ever I would’ve held him a little longer. It seems like he’s grown so much since I stopped nursing him. All of a sudden he now wants to pick his own books to read and wants to sleep by himself. If I try to sing to him he hushes me and tries to sleep without help. It’s fascinating but also intimidating , it’s too soon for him to be so grown up. I want him to be a baby a little longer and let me baby him a little longer.

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